I HAD NO FAITH AT ALL
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
I was raised being completely brainwashed by all sorts of religion. My dad and his family were Mormon, my mom and her family were Catholic- some of my grandparents were Christians, and in all that mess, my mind and my heart decided to be like none of them and just believe in no God at all.
For years I went back and forth between atheism, Mormonism- Buddhism, attending a Christian church with my grandparents, as well as going to Catholic churches occasionally. I was baptized into the Mormon church at age 8. And when I turned 18 I gave up on all of that and decided there was No God.
Living in Darkness
I was raised in quite an abusive home and always thought something was wrong with me. I was on pharmaceutical drugs from ages 8-21. On my 21st birthday, I quit taking them. I had been on and off sooooo many different drugs growing up. Antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety meds, medication for ADHD. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorders, manic-depressive disorder- (Bipolar) PTSD, and had struggled with both bulimia and anorexia from ages 13-21. I had my fair share of visits to the hospital from suicide attempts and was admitted to psych wards 5,6,7,8 times? I had lost count... and when I was 18, I started stripping. I became addicted to drugs. Not just one drug, but all of them. I would go back and forth between all and any drug I could get. I had many gay relationships and thought I was super into women. I HATED men. I felt I had been hurt by men my whole life I was convinced men were all bad. (and being a stripper didn't help my hatred for men.) My whole life I have been so enthralled in darkness. I self-harmed for years.. stitches and bandages were always covering my arms and legs. I had my foot on the self-destruct pedal and planned on keeping it there till I was dead.
But God Didn't Give Up On Me
But God had other plans. He saved me, healed me, and picked up the pieces of my broken heart and glued them back together with love, peace.. happiness, and light. I've only been walking with the lord just a short five months or so. but in that time SO much has changed, and I know it's not because of anything I did, but because of him and who he is...
Grace saved me. The negative thinking is gone. My mental illnesses were healed. God even took the gay away. I no longer am a drug addict. I am no longer stripping! And my hatred for men?? Healed!!! I now teach violin and nanny! I draw prophetic art and love making music and spending my free time outdoors or traveling around the country visiting family and friends. I haven't self-harmed and haven't made myself puke- I haven't been starving. My eating has returned to normal. I have a love for food now that I haven't had for a long time!!! My body is healthy! My mind is healthy! I dance with a Christian dance ministry group as well!! I understand what a born-again Christian means now... haha cause honestly; I feel like I have a new mind. A new life. The old is gone. Completely.
God is My Father and Best Friend
God has saved me and healed me and has shown me so much just a short time. I want to help show others this light. To teach them of his love... his grace.. because I know, with as dark as I was, if God changed me, he can change anyone because He is so real and so good. He is my father, my mother, my healer, my provider... my best friend..
I love Yeshua with all my being and will never go back because he has spoken to me my true identity, and in Him, I have found peace, joy, love, freedom, strength.. everything I could ever want or need.