I'm not perfect on my own. None of us are. Only God is perfect which is why we need Him to be in our lives. This is some of my story on why I turned my life over to God.
I ran away from home a lot because of fighting going on in my home. I didn't want to be around my alcoholic step dad. This was the second step dad I had who was an alcoholic, the other one died from a heart attack. I struggled with depression, & panic attacks, but I also knew how to hide it well and still make other people laugh and feel good about themselves. I had an interest in the occult from a young age. My mother used to read tarot cards & and we had hundreds of astrology books in our home. I read many books about ghosts and witches etc. I was interested in magic and contacting the dead. I mention this because these are doorways into the spirit realm to invite evil demons spirits into your life, which I did encounter demonic beings when all that stuff was going on. And now looking back I can see why a lot of bad things happened in my life because of allowing these spirits in. I was always wild but when I hit 10th grade & up I got even more wild just gettin' crazy drunk, being like the loudest & wildest drunk person at the party most of the time and always looking for some trouble to cause so I could be the center of attention and keep myself and others entertained. Sometimes when I was drunk I talked about killing myself and one time I actually attempted to, by standing in a major highway as cars were coming head-on to me, but a certain guy grabbed me & pulled me out of the road. I thought it was kind of funny but I was really flirting with death. I was doing my own thing just partying, getting high, and hanging out in night clubs (both gay & straight dance clubs) and getting kicked out of clubs for underage drinking. Then my senior year in High School I got kicked out for cursing off my principal and smashing things off the secretary's desk in the office so they called the police on me but I ran out of the school so they couldn't catch me. But I already had a lot of things against me in school for fighting, cutting class, and misbehaving. I just felt misunderstood a lot, and I wanted someone to understand me, but everything just felt so fake and meaningless, I felt that life was just vain and that everyone around me was selfish and I wanted to know why I was on this earth and why was all this bad stuff going on around me and all this hatred and even the anger that tried to rise up in me from things that happened in my own life. Things I swore I wouldn't do I started doing. I always said I wouldn't drink after watching what alcoholism does to people and yet I was heading down that path, making plans to just live my life like a party and do whatever I felt like. The plans I had for my life were much different than God's plans, I was planning to just party most of my life and to continue living a rebellious life not submitting to any authority. Even though I was depressed sometimes I thought I was having a good time overall, and that I could handle my situations. I felt I was in control. I was going to do what I want and not let anyone stop me.
I wanted real answers to life’s questions
When I thought about God, I was the type that believed in God but I had the wrong ideas about who God really was. I thought about God sometimes but I didn't understand Him at all. In my mind I thought it would be boring to live for God and I didn't want to go sit in a boring church with a bunch of older people so I figured that I would wait until I was way older & done partying to turn to God completely. Life began to become duller to me, and there were all these questions inside of me, that no one could answer. I was questioning the meaning and purpose of life, and why I was on the earth. Why do we die? What is death like? Why am I here? It didn't seem to make sense that I could be on this planet for no reason. That I could have my own thoughts and emotions and be able to even ponder such things. I wanted to know. My heart was calling out to God but my desires still wanted to have fun and do what I wanted. Even though I was having fun doing whatever I felt like doing, at the same time there was this emptiness that could not be fulfilled in things, places, or people. I knew that there was something much greater than what we see, but I was so confused, I didn't know the answers. On occasion I tried to read this little Bible my step dad gave me before he died but I couldn't understand what I was reading. I just had a respect for the Bible but I never tried reading it too much. One time I went online in a "Christian" AOL chat room to ask for help on some issues but what I found was that the people in there were attacking me instead of helping me. I told them I was "confused" and wanted some answers and no one took the time to answer me they just started bashing me with bible scriptures saying "confusion is of the devil!" So I didn't really find any help in that area, I didn't know where to turn to, I wanted to know who was the real God because there was so many different religions I wanted to make sure I was following the right one. I knew only one could be right that is most logical. How could every religion be one if they are not? If they were one there would not be so much disagreement. One time I got into a discussion with an atheist about God, and he began to question why I believed in Jesus, and I didn't really know what to say besides I just believed, and this person who was trying to discourage me told me I should not just believe in Jesus because of my parents, that there were many religions out there. When he said that, I thought wow that's true I want to make sure I'm following the right path, so then more confusion came into my mind, I began to question why I believed in Jesus even though I didn't know a lot about Him besides what I heard when I was younger. I set out to find the truth, so I looked into many different religions.
I knew there was more to life, but I never thought it could end up like this.
I began talking to different people from different religions and everyone seemed to have nice ideas and morals but something was still missing. And I didn't feel all my questions were being answered. It seemed that is was too vague and incomplete. By this point now I wasn't comfortable anymore just going on life in a regular way without answers, people around me were telling me to chill out and not worry too much about these types of questions regarding God and life, but I wanted to know what was the purpose of life. I knew that there was more. I prayed a few times and asked God if he heard me if he could send me a sign or something. I began to have very detailed dreams about the end times, which I later on found out that most of my dreams, were actually things that are written in the Bible which are to soon take place. One night I had a dream I was in this pitch blackness. I felt like I was paralyzed and could not move, I had no perception of time, I could sense people around me, but I couldn't see anything. My mind felt cleared and almost like a high feeling like dazed after a while I was wondering why everything was black and I couldn't see and what was I doing here? Where was I? Then suddenly a panic struck me because I realized I was stuck in this place, a horrible fear gripped my heart when the horror that I would never leave this place hit. At that point I screamed at the top of my lungs and 2 other people I knew were there in this place with me, and we all screamed such a loud scream because we realized at the same time what was going on. It was such a helpless feeling of despair knowing I was stuck there and could never ever do anything about it.(Later on when I started reading the Bible I saw that Jesus talks about a place called the outer darkness... this is a real place where people are actually in right now as you read this!!!) I used to just say the “now I lay me down to sleep” prayer and pray for God to bless all my family and friends. I didn't know anything else to pray. One night I decided I would talk to God in a different way and ask him a question and after I asked I heard him speak back to me. I was scared because I did not know that God could talk back to us. No one ever told me that could happen. I always thought we just shoot a prayer up in hopes that it would be answered. So when I asked God this question I didn't even expect to hear an answer, I was hoping with all my heart he would hear me but I thought maybe God would send me a sign or something not speak to me. So I knew it was God when he spoke to me. He told me to read his word, (a.k.a. The Holy Bible) and he showed me visions of the cross where Jesus was crucified, and then I saw a woman wearing all black crying, then I saw the bible open by itself with a bright light shooting forth from inside, then it closed and the vision stopped.
I know I have peace with the one true God.
Long story short, God showed up in a lot of ways when I kept seeking Him with my whole heart, and the main thing I found out was that No one else loved me so much that they died for my sins, No one else rose from the dead, defeating the power of hell and the grave showing that not even death itself could hold him down. No one else did mighty miracles of healing the sick, raising the dead, casting out demons, walking on water, and prophesying about events to come accurately, while also fulfilling scriptures. Yes many different religions have nice morals and teachings about being a good person and being nice to each other. Jesus said to love one another too, but the thing that is missing in these other religions is where is the Savior, where is their love proven by their actions. As the saying goes action speaks louder than words. You can say you love me, but you need to prove it. And Jesus Christ already proved it. Who else did anything like that? It comes down to this... we have all sinned, I don't care how good you Think you are, in God's eyes we have all sinned, and this is why we need a Savior to set us free from our sins. You can not stand before a holy God covered in sin. You need to be sinless to stand before a sinless God, but wait that's a problem right? Well that's what I'm trying to tell you is that Jesus made a way for us to be able to stand before our Holy God, even though we might feel bad about what we did, when we accept Jesus and receive his forgiveness he makes us right with God because he was sinless. He never sinned, and so when we accept him into our hearts as our personal Lord and Savior we receive his righteousness and our sins get supernaturally put on the cross, causing us to be made right with God giving us friendship with God the Creator. I am now born again, saved from the wrath which is to come not because I am perfect but because I have allowed a holy perfect God to make me perfect with his perfection. The Bible says in Christ we become a new creation because God puts his Holy Spirit in us which enables me to walk in his righteous ways and to forsake our sinful ways, you can have this free gift and be sure you will go to heaven when you die, and be in direct connection with God to freely communicate with Him, and have the Holy Spirit guide you into all truth. I shared with you a little bit of who I was before I was a Christian, just to show you that God can take the worst sinners and use you to be in his righteous cause to be a light in darkness. I tell you this because I don't want anyone to look at me like who I am now is because of my own strength. The truth is that if I did not fear God that I would be a completely different person right now still living in sin. Glory to God because he is real, and he wants us all to know Him. Stop waiting until tomorrow, today is the day you need to give your heart, today is the day you need to make a choice.
It's time to stop playing games with God
There will be a judgment day, and if we continually reject his grace, there will be serious eternal consequences. God loves you and he shows you his love through Jesus Christ, He is God in the flesh, God became a man and walked among us, so that he could die for his very own creation. All of your good deeds will never make you perfect because you are already a sinner so you can not go to heaven on your own good works. Even if you only told a lie or stole something once (And let’s face it we have all definitely sinned more than once in our lives!!!) you are a sinner. What's crazy is I have actually heard people on this earth say they are sinless in total confidence and I just have to laugh but in all seriousness that's very sad because that attitude will send you to hell, you are saying you don't need Jesus and that you look upon his death as though he died for you for no reason, you are saying no thanks God I'm perfect without you. That's a big mistake. Some of you reading this might feel like you've done too much bad stuff already for God to forgive you, but did you know that Paul the Apostle murdered Christians before he became an Apostle. God used him greatly in miracles, signs, wonders, and God used him to write a lot of the New Testament of the Holy Bible, think about that! God used a murderer to write part of a book we call holy! Why? Because God wants us all to know that it is not by our own righteousness but his. So no matter what you have done, come to Jesus and let him come to Jesus and let him change your heart and life because he loves you too much to leave you in your situation where you are and not help.
God has a purpose for your life! Come to Christ with an open heart and ready to receive from him, he will meet you right where you’re at because he knows you are not perfect, that’s the whole point on why he died! Because he became perfection for you. I am not saying purposely set out to sin and just have that kind of attitude, because that is not true faith that is still selfishness, and God is love, when you come to God the love of God is displayed in you God knows who is the real deal, he doesn't want fakes, just like if you are married you don't want your husband or wife cheating on you, God doesn’t want his children marrying false idols and putting them first, God wants your heart, your love, he wants to spend time with you... You don't have to sit there and say the hail Mary 50 times to talk to God, (not to mention the hail Mary prayer is not even in the Bible), and you don't have to go see a "priest" to talk to God, God wants to hear from you personally, this is about a personal relationship not religion....... you can be real with him cuz he already knows everything about you, just talk to him from your heart, and tell him what’s on your mind and ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins, because he wants to, he doesn't hate you and want to kill you if that was the case you would not be breathing right now! God loves you with an everlasting love, call upon your Creator. He gave you life so give your life to him to live for him and not your selfishness anymore...
People slip into an eternity without God each day...an eternity of pain and sorrow which could have been stopped had they accepted the atonement blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ..God is real and he loves us all...he loves his fallen creation so much he died for it.. and still we spit in God's face and throw up the finger to him....Does God truly send people to hell? No....We send ourselves to Hell...Hell was not even made for human beings.. it was made for Satan and the demons who rebelled against God.. they are the cause of much of the evil in the world today because they instigate man to rebel against God.. and so we see sin manifested which produces hate and all manners of evil..
Some of you reading this call yourselves Christians but you need to examine yourself if you are really following after Christ, to call yourself a Christian means that you are his follower...it's not just a label of some other religion... this is about a relationship... so are you really a true follower of Christ or do you just call yourself a Christian? Remember that this world is fading away, and the things here in this earth will all be destroyed by fire...Only the eternal things will last... so make sure you put your hope in those things which are eternal.. and you will prove that you believe by your lifestyle.. not just by what you say... God's will is that none should go to hell.. God's will is that all should come to repentance and forsake sin and follow Christ the savior.. but he doesn't force us the choice is ours..
I made my decision... ............. what is yours?
"God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8